The Secret I’m Not Proud Of

I have a secret. I’m not proud of it and while I’ve come a long way in my journey if I’m not careful it can still creep up and take hold of me when I least expect it. Want to know what it is? Okay, here it goes. I’m a perfectionist. Yes, it’s true and while some of you may be wondering why this is such a bad thing for my fellow perfectioneers out there we know all too well the struggle is real.

Allow me to explain. As a perfectionist, I can constantly be scrutinizing myself and the work I do, which can make my writing very difficult at times. I can’t tell you the times I’ve written something and published it on my website only to turn around a day later and take it down, tear it apart, and rebuild it from scratch all because of a simple phrase or word just didn’t sit well. I always seem to have a tendency to look down on myself and can buy into the lie that I’m just not good enough.

This was one reason why accepting Christ as my savior was so difficult for me. As I look back on those dark times in my life, I realize that sometimes it wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to believe in Him but that I couldn’t accept the idea that a perfect God could ever love someone like me. Not long after being saved I ran across a verse that totally rocked my struggle of perfectionism to its core. It’s found in 2 Corinthians 12:9 and it says “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Wow, take that perfectionism and don’t let the door knob hit you where the good Lord split you! As I read this verse for the first time, I realized that it’s not only okay but expected to fall short of perfectionism. After all, if we were perfect we wouldn’t need Jesus as our savior, and we certainly wouldn’t need God, and I don’t know about you, but that’s a day I hope never comes.

© 07/15/17

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